if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
