guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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