apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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