I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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