I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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