i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
