I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
