Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
that is very illegal...i love you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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