I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
