Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
