im holly from the hills drunk
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
