I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
