what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if only i could text you this smell
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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