im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
