so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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