There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Its about making memories worth repressing
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
