and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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