doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
3 2 1 whiskey
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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