I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
