Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
