Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
