There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
