Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
