Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
