whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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