how can u be prego again
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it's like iHOP with fire
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
