dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
