Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
