I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
apparently the secret to your success is patron
this boner is exhausting
bring money and cleavage
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
