At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's blow job season.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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