Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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