If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
