As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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