so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He has the fingertips of a God
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