That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
