I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
