the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
