As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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