Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
