I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
