It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
