the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
