I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
