Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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