Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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