she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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