Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
