yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
