end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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