I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Text me some of your sweat
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
