I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
as a side note pls kill me
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