Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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