Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
