I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
