she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
