where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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