DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize