Can Purell be used as lube?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
