I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
