you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
