He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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