thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
